Perspective | My son is trying to get kicked out of school. What should I do? –

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Q: My 10-year-old fourth-grader hated kindergarten, whatever its form: in person, online (pandemic), hybrid remote control (pandemic), homeschooling (pandemic). He has neighbors outside the school, but he has no one in school. He suffered harassment, passed down from school for a while, but he started acting and misbehaving in solitude. He was stopped twice and realized that if he took action, he would keep stopping and eventually get fired.

We had meetings with the principal, the school social worker, the individualized education program (IEP) coordinator and the teacher, where they formulated ideas that found ways to get out of the way, including dropping out of class. He’s not a bully, but he says he “wanted the school to burn,” which is obviously the school’s bright red flag.

We work with a therapist and the weird thing is that he’s a good guy at home: loving, fun, mostly behavioral (although not perfect). He hates school very much. We live in a small country and the alternative is an expensive private school that will not accept this behavior and a religious school that we do not want to consider for its extreme ideology.

I think my son will be expelled from school every day. What options do parents have when their children are expelled from school and other schools are not available? Do any of us quit our jobs and teach at home? Is this the only option?

A: Thanks for the note. As difficult as your situation may be, I promise you that you are not the only family with these problems. Although every family is unique, it is not uncommon to hate a child’s experience at school and I hope my answer will help you show compassion for your child and offer you other options as well.

By reading your letter (and trusting everything you say), it can be said that the problem is clearly in school. I know it may sound obvious, but she has friends outside of school and her behavior at home is loving, fun and age-appropriate, so she has all her problems in and out of school.

You say you met the school social worker and the IEP coordinator, but I missed an important piece of information: where is the test? Ten-year-olds don’t want to have problems in school. They don’t want to be fired, kicked out of class, or threatened to burn down the school. These are the symptoms of a child who is in pain and does not know how to do otherwise.

I guess, even if I’m wrong, the adults in his life don’t have many tools in their toolbox to figure out how to get there. I wouldn’t be surprised if psychoeducational tests revealed a learning disability along with depression or anxiety (or both). I don’t take the test lightly. I know how expensive it is to do it privately and I know it can take a long time if you go through the public school system. It is still worth it.

If your child has been diagnosed with learning disabilities or attention deficit / hyperactivity disorder, this explains why school is failing in every possible way. Children are not mature enough to defend themselves, explain their inner world or control their emotions. When they fail early, they develop coping mechanisms to get the most out of what they have. Add in the bullying and you will have disappointment as well as frustration because not being named is particularly painful. Any security, insecurity or trust comes out the window and you are left with anger that fills an ocean of fear and confusion. School can “develop” all the ideas in the world, but resolutions will never work if they don’t fully understand why your child is suffering.

You ask what options you have and you say, “One of us who quits work and teaches at home? I think so, those options should definitely be on the table at this point. With your child on the verge of being expelled from school, you are now trying to Raising a young person who could end up in serious trouble outside of school. The lower the ability to do well in school, the greater the chance of mental health problems, drug and alcohol abuse, and entry into the criminal justice system. home care and early school leaving (or self-education) were previously seen as a relatively rare option, but a pandemic has changed that.

“Many children have more freedom and control over their learning and often these children can be successful in a learning environment. [around] “Curiosity, collaboration and choice,” said Domari Dickinson, parenting coach, mother of four, and former educator and trainer.

Since your child enjoys being at home, he can relax and relearn, eliminating the toxicity of the school environment. “It appears to vary from family to family, but in this model, learning is driven by the child’s chosen interests and activities and is directly related to individual life experiences and goals,” Dickinson said. He said.

While most of us are socialized and believe that children can only attend traditional schools, I fear that your child who fails miserably in school can lead to self-loathing and dangerous self-esteem. I’d rather seek self-education support than losing your child to a system that harms him. (Look at the Self-Education Alliance clock self-governing.org For more information.)

Find out about the test situation as soon as possible and explore other educational options for your child, find support and determine how your family can do it. You now have a good relationship with your child, have neighbors, and are grounded in a sense of love and support. Don’t allow chronic suffering because you are too afraid to break with social tradition. Good luck.

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Source: Washington Post

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